MAD MAGAZINE’S 2016
ELECTION BREAKDOWN
Hillary
Clinton Voters:
35% - People who
agree with her multiple contradictory positions on the issues
21% - Liberals
intent on voting against their own interests
11% - Pantsuit
enthusiasts
11% - Sane
Republicans
9% - Gun store
owners aware that gun sales spike under democratic presidents
9% - Citizens
who rate "Untrustworthiness" as the quality they most look for in a
president
2.5% - Bored
housewives who do whatever Oprah tells them to
.5% - Graduates
of Trump University who learned their lesson
.99999% - People who
actually like Hillary
.00001% - Paul Ryan
Donald
Trump Voters:
31% -
Conservatives intent on voting against their own interests
23.9% - The
"poorly educated"
14% - Comb-over
enthusiasts
11% -
Evangelicals waiting for end-of-the-world prophesies, eager to nudge things
along.
5% - New
Yorkers who just want Trump to get the hell out of town
5% - Unemployed
wall builders
3% - Pervert
fathers who also "fantasise" about dating their daughters
2% - Kansans
hopeful that Trump's climate change denial will leave them with beachfront
property
1% -
Muslim-Americans looking for a free, one-way ticket to the Middle East
1% - Orange
Americans
.1% - People who
actually like Donald Trump
